goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
