You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
