I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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