Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
