Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
