I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
