i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
