this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
