I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize