just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
