I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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