his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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