He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
