I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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