Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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