In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
