Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
