Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
