Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
