I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
