Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
