do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
