I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
