we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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