I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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