I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
