i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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