I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
