Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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