They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
