Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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