I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
