I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
