Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was CRYING into my vagina
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
