I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
