I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
