I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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