Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
