My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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