My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
