DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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