it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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