I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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