apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
