Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
