You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
