He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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