the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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