I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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