So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
