Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
