Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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