I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
