Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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