our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
