babies were throwing up all over the place
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
