literally had 100 drinks last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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