just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
