MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
