i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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