Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
