That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
