i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
