the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
