it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Holy sore nipples Batman
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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