remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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