Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
