I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
