I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
where are my eyebrows?
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