You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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