What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
