Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize