My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize