this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize