dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
