You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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