End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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