Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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