its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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