All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize