the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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