Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
